To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

View previous topic View next topic Go down

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by souci on May 2nd 2009, 4:01 pm

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her
Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:



In light of your failure in recent years to nominate
competent candidates for President of the USA and thus
to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
Governor for America without the need for further
elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded, and a
questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English
Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have
been pronouncing it.
------------------------

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as
'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you
will learn to spell 'doughnut' with out skipping half
the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected
to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(look up 'vocabulary').
----------------------

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft
spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the
reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize'.
-------------------

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without
using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you
need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're
not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only
be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things
out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own
or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable
peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to
carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and
you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At
the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and
without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts
and metrication will help you understand the British sense of
humour.
--------------------

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you
have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used
to it.
-------------------

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call
French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist
on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real
chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not
with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is
not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British
Bitter will be referred to as beer and European brews of
known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only
be due to the beer. They are also part of British
Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands
will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast
English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie
Macdowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a
Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.
---------------------

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only
one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you
brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which
has some similarities to American football, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
full Kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try
Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like
they regularly thrash us.
---------------------

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a
game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1%
of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,
your error is understandable. You will learn cricket and we
will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting
out of their deliveries.
--------------------

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
mad.
-----------------

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). (Your
current financial incompetence is just driving us mad. You
must do better! We just will not tolerate these bankruptcies
and other shenanigans.)
---------------

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,
with saucers and never mugs, with high quality biscuits
(cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when
in season.


God Save the Queen.
avatar
souci
Starter Member
Starter Member


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Doreen on May 2nd 2009, 4:07 pm

snagged that, cute
avatar
Doreen
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by shanaya on May 2nd 2009, 5:05 pm

I have seen that one before and it is a good one! Laughing
avatar
shanaya
Admin is da shiznit!
Admin is da shiznit!


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by irishgodfather1 on May 2nd 2009, 9:39 pm

To arms, to arms. The red coats are coming.
avatar
irishgodfather1
Plus Member
Plus Member


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Doc on May 2nd 2009, 11:31 pm

I liked your response five years ago, Bill.

"just when we were thinking of making Britain the 51st state!" Laughing
avatar
Doc
Rude, Crude and Obnoxious
Rude, Crude and Obnoxious


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by irishgodfather1 on May 2nd 2009, 11:40 pm

Doc wrote:I liked your response five years ago, Bill.

"just when we were thinking of making Britain the 51st state!" Laughing
I try never to repeat myself Doc.
Sometimes (not often) I even succeed.
avatar
irishgodfather1
Plus Member
Plus Member


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Carl D on May 3rd 2009, 9:16 pm

That's funny. Doreen posted the same thing at WS. Laughing Razz

_________________
avatar
Carl D
The Little Spy
The Little Spy


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by shanaya on May 3rd 2009, 9:50 pm

Doreen wrote:snagged that, cute

Doreen said she snagged it here, hence that is when she posted it in RPC. Pay attention, Carl! Laughing
avatar
shanaya
Admin is da shiznit!
Admin is da shiznit!


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Doreen on May 3rd 2009, 11:48 pm

shanaya wrote:
Doreen wrote:snagged that, cute

Doreen said she snagged it here, hence that is when she posted it in RPC. Pay attention, Carl! Laughing

Carl, for somebody that recalls every post made by everybody over the last decade I'm surprised you couldn't remember I just said I snagged this.



Slipping?
avatar
Doreen
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Larry on May 4th 2009, 7:09 am

Doreen said "I just said I snagged this"

Larry says 'I thought you already had it" lol!
avatar
Larry
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Doc on May 4th 2009, 12:19 pm

In Carl's defense, he has an awful lot of internet to monitor.

Perhaps this was a small slice he had delegated to the Observer, and his minion simply failed to let him know. Laughing
avatar
Doc
Rude, Crude and Obnoxious
Rude, Crude and Obnoxious


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Doreen on May 4th 2009, 12:34 pm

Carl is absolutely Amazing!

He can do so much, and nothing gets past him; Especially when he has the Observer as his assistant.
Very Happy
avatar
Doreen
Moderator
Moderator


Back to top Go down

Re: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum