some smiles

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some smiles

Post by Doreen on May 18th 2008, 9:44 pm

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have, which once you got it you may be
smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you
known." --Garrison Keillor

***

"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any
moment." --Ira Gassen

***

"Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I
have tested it." --Mark Twain


------------------------------------------------------------


Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement
home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said
Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use
the word 'obey' anymore."

"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little
humor to the occasion."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine
started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic
little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's
funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?"

"I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly,
"It wasn't opportunity."

____________________________________________________________



"A Little Test"

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be
married next month. My fiance's mother is great.
She is putting the entire wedding together and
invited me to her place to go over the invitation
list because it had grown a bit beyond what we
had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and
trimmed it down to just under a hundred, then
she floored me. She said that in a month I would
be a married man and that before that happened,
she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just
stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her
way said that I knew where the door was if I wanted
to leave.

I stood there for about five minutes and finally
decided that I knew how to deal with this situation.
I headed out the front door.

There, leaning against my car was her husband.
He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted
to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to
their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated
me on passing their little test.

I kept it to myself that I thought their "little test" was
BS, but I am marrying their daughter, not them.

I also kept to myself that the reason that I was
walking out to my car was to get a c*ndom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Quote du Jour

"The reasonable man adapts to the world:
The unreasonable man persists in trying
to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all
progress depends upon the unreasonable
man."
-- George Bernard Shaw

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

"Comments Made In The Year 1955"

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way
they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's
groceries for $20.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used
one.'

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to
quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.'

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about
charging a dime just to mail a letter?'

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will
be able to hire outside help at the store.'

'When I first started driving, who would have thought
gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess
we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'

'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts
make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you
know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the
girls.'

I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.
Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn'
in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie
has either 'hell' or 'damn' in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's
possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the
century. They even have some fellows they call
astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.'

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Half the Work
=========

Half the work that is done in this world
is to make things appear what they are not.
~Elias Root Beadle~
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Re: some smiles

Post by souci on May 19th 2008, 12:24 am

Rolling Eyes
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Re: some smiles

Post by Carl D on May 19th 2008, 6:57 am

Cool. Thanks, Doreen. And souci, of course. Laughing

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Re: some smiles

Post by Mousessugar on May 19th 2008, 6:59 am

Very Happy
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Re: some smiles

Post by shanaya on May 19th 2008, 5:50 pm

Some good ones, some corny ones Razz
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Re: some smiles

Post by Doreen on May 19th 2008, 11:32 pm

shanaya wrote:Some good ones, some corny ones Razz

I have to agree.
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